Jul/090
Day 28 – Lazy day (66.8 miles)
Intended to get up really early today, but ended up looking out the window at 5am, seeing a monster of a thunderstorm and going back to sleep. Either way we had Callum on alarm clock duty so we thought it was a pretty safe bet that we’d get a lie in. We almost sacked off the entire day to stay in the lodge again for another night, but it started to clear up and we hit the road.
It was a good thing we didn’t leave too early because we got a knock on the door around 9am from the wife of the guy who runs the ranch, asking for some help. Me and Dowds ran outside and found Bill (the owner) supporting a gun dog which had one of its hind legs stuck in the top of a chain-link fence. Apparently it didn’t like thunder so it tried to jump over. We pulled up on the fence to keep some weight off the dog’s leg until Bill’s wife found the bolt-cutters. I snipped it and we managed to free it. Another strange experience but quite a nice feeling to have helped out.
It turns out that it was pretty good weather for the ride we had. Overcast with just enough rain to cool us down. We had hills for the first 10 miles or so and then it flattened out and Dowds became an absolute monster; leading us at around 20mph for about 15 miles to our breakfast/lunch stop at Golden City. Legend.
Ate burgers and some pie at the famous Cooky’s Cafe in Golden City (very nice) before heading off for the second stretch to Pittsburg. Me and Dowds set off slightly later because we wanted some more pie. I think we’re really getting into the American eating habits. Felt it a bit, but took turns on the front into a slight headwind to catch up to Blake and Cal at some roadworks. Some Eastbounders had told us to just walk the bikes over this bit instead of taking the diversion, but they had encountered it when it was dry. We walked over a few hundred yards of wet clay and spent about an hour cleaning our bikes so they would work again. Not the most fun experience but it was pretty funny hearing Blake losing his composure and effing and blinding across a field of clay and gravel. We met an eastbounder just after the roadworks and advised against walking over it.
Only me and Blake have the maps, so only we know the exact distance to the Kansas border, but that didn’t stop Callum and Dowds racing about 8 miles to the border. We knew this so just sat back and watched them destroy themselves.
Reached Pittsburg and did the standard check for prices at all the motels. We ended up staying in a room booked for two people, and radioed Cal and Dowds when the coast was clear to follow us in.
Nipped down the road for a Chinese buffet and met up with a dad and his two kids cycling across. Did the standard exchange of good places/places to avoid and told them about the nightmare of the 80 motel in Hindman, Kentucky (we’ll fill in the missing posts when we can). They told us probably the most bizarre story we’ve heard yet: just before they set off, a random lady showed up to their door with the ashes of her deceased daughter – she had always wanted to do the Transam, but died before having the chance. The end result is that these three guys are travelling with an urn containing the bodily remains of a stranger – told you it was a bizarre story!
Check out their website at www.krem.com (click the link at the top which says “follow the Wild Hare Adventure”).
Walmart stop to pick up some new flip-flops to replace the ones Callum lost while crossing the construction work, and off to bed for an early start tomorrow.
Jul/090
Day 27 – Lits go a-hunt’n
Today we got up at 7. My phone died in the night so no alarm clock today.
We rode to a restaurant in Fairgrove for breakfast at Sheila’s wheels restaurant where we were served by something who definately wasn’t given the name Sheila at birth! It had hands the size of dinner plates and a face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp. It did take a liking to Callum and Blake however, stroking them every time they spoke to it.
We then rode the largest slog of the day, only 23 miles but the heat was incredible. At Walnut Grove we got some refreshments before heading to Ash grove a further 7 miles down the road to get some groceries. The place we are staying at tonight has a kitchen so we are eating a Dowds special…Meat, veg and Tomatoes on Pasta! Might not sound very special but after 4 weeks eating burgers and other American s**t it sounds good to me anyway!
We arrived at Running Spring Farm and Hunting Preserve around 3pm. It is amazing! basically a house for just us! Kitchen, 3 bedrooms with 8 beds, 2 showers, etc… Definately well worth the $20 each for the night. If only so that none of us have to sleep in a bed or even a room with Callum!
I cooked dinner and everyone seemed to like it…it all got eaten anyway! Chris made a Holmes special dessert…Ice cream!
The TV was working OK at first. We even found the porn films but before we could even start watching one, Chris decided we didn’t have enough channels so set about re-setting the Sky box…No more TV tonight! The computer geek doesn’t always know what he’s doing!
Chris – It stopped working just around the time we tried to back out of playing (no joke) “10 Girls on Black Guys” on the PayPerView to cries of despair from Cal and Dowds.
With the TV broken we were forced to have a ‘classy’ evening. I played Callum at draughts which ended in us not realising we had a stalemate and moving our pieces back and forward for about 15 minutes, Chris played on that stupid ukulele, and Blake updated his blog.
Its now 9pm and for the first time so far we have updated a blog entry on the day it happened…very pleased with myself i’m off to bed.
Jul/090
Day 26 – Awakened by tramp-song
Woke up this morning to what sounded like a tramp complaining to his dog about the “mess some bikers have left here, clothes all over the place man”. With all our gear and our personal safety in mind, Callum jumped into action by telephoning Dowds, and the two of them sat in their tents asking each other what to do for a good few minutes. Callum later told me that his plan was “wait until Chris goes out and sorts it out”. Callum’s plan, as ever, went off without a hitch.
After putting on a t-shirt to avoid startling the poor fellow with my bizarre albino/african tan-lines, I went out and told him we’d checked in with the sheriff and apologised for the mess, but we’d be out of there soon. Turns out he wasn’t really that crazy, but he did mention in passing (during a conversation about gun-control) that he shot and killed a burglar when he was 15. He was a nice guy, but he did have a lot of stories, and I was desperately trying to get my stuff packed away while simultaneously keeping up a conversation about all of the following topics mixed together: border control, the benefits of a full-suspension bike and city park ordnances. Callum and Dowds, as useful as they were earlier in the morning, left me to talk with my new friend and pegged it off to a cafe for some WiFi.
Managed to get moving after a while, and headed down the road to the cafe I thought they would be at. I could tell it was the right one because I saw two bikes (Dowds’ and Blake’s) propped neatly against the side and one just thrown on the ground. Callum’s bladder strikes again. The cafe (Moose Cafe) was awesome – they gave all cyclists their first drink free, but because I didn’t want a drink she gave me a chocolate muffin for free. I ended up buying two more so I was still a Good Customer.
Most of the ride was pretty uneventful. Towards the end of the day we ran into some roadworks. They were resurfacing the road, and they do it slightly differently than in the UK. Instead of the works being done by a couple of blokes called Nigel and Dave who dig a 6-foot trench in the road, eat a Pukka-Pie and fill the hole back up again to a level about an inch below the rest of the road, the Americans do it differently and on a much larger scale. Huge trucks filled with gravel and tar; modified road sweepers to brush off the excess gravel; ‘pilot cars’ to guide people through; all resulting in…
7 miles of riding over loose gravel with rock dust clouds kicked up in our faces every time a car drove past.
Welcome to the USA – now get off your bikes and into a car you idiots.
It was actually pretty fun. I turned on my portable speaker and managed to find just enough decent, non-boyband music on Callum’s iPod to get us through it.
Arrived in Marshfield and Dowds promptly fell off his bike outside a gas station. My camera chose this moment to run out of batteries so I’ll have to leave you with a relevant photo of what happens when you decide to ride topless at midday in Missouri with cycling bib-shorts on.
Oh Dowds, you really are a Brit On Holiday. Captions welcome…
Our free city park campsite for the night was right across from the swimming pool so we had a quick dip, grabbed a bite to eat in town and hit the sack at around 9pm like the hard-core party animals we are.
Jul/090
Day 25 – Houston, Texas
…county, Missouri. Americans reuse place names a lot, even to the point of taking the names from another state and just whacking them in a county in the mid-west. – Chris
Dowds:
I woke up in Paula’s thrift shop after not a very good nights sleep which involved Callum cuddling me, me cuddling Callum and me sleep walking!
We left Centerville around 7. The ride to breakfast was pretty hilly. We caught Blake up at a restaurant at Ellington. After eating some toast and porridge I emptied my stomach in the toilet and after an insight into Callum’s strange masturbation clean-up techniques, we set off to catch Blake up again. This was supposed to be the hardest part of todays ride. In the next 30 miles or so we would cross the majority of the Ozark mountain range.
A couple of miles down the road we saw a turtle in the middle of the road which we stopped to move out of the way before it met its match in the form of a big truck! The ungrateful bugger turned out to be a snapping turtle which could really move and try to snap at us! After telling Callum his front wheel wasn’t the best thing to use to get him out of the road, we left him to his own devices and rode on. Callum is the only one who hasn’t got a puncture yet, and it would be completely within Callum’s abilities to have his first flat due to his tyre being eaten by a bloody turtle. – Chris
I didn’t think the hills were too bad. I quite enjoyed them in fact. I guess that the only people who had warned us of them hadn’t actually been over the Appalachians yet which were definitely much harder. These hills were very much like a self propelled rollercoaster. A fair sized drag of a hill followed by a decent speed downhill always rolling.
We caught up with Blake and soon after overtaking him I saw another tortoise in the middle of the road. This one was far smaller than the last and hid in its shell when i got near. I decided to do my good deed for the day and move it to the side of the road to which it was walking. The others didn’t see it in the road as they went past so I guess it got on its way OK.
We stopped at Eminence where we saw a couple cycling the other way to us. They were similar age to us and headed Eastbound. They gave us a few pointers for the coming maps and reminded us of a pie shop we are going past in a couple of days.
We ate some lunch and way too much ice cream and set off for the last of the mountains after a very long break! Too long in fact and my legs were getting tired. I also managed to break my pedal! Yet more expense and yet again no idea how it happened! It’s because despite your athletic abilities, you’re still a fat shit Dowds – Chris
Callum topped this though. He rode off the side of the road and fell into the ditch in only a way that Callum could!
The ride to Summersville was very steady as we were all feeling the ice cream! We caught up with Blake again and he was being followed by a stray dog. He had been following him for about 4 miles! We saw a lookout tower which didn’t look like too much more than a scaffolding tower! Not ideal for me and Cal who aren’t too clever with heights! I swear that boy Blake is Dr. bloody Dolittle. There was a point just as we caught him up when, in addition to the exhausted dog obediently plodding behind, butterflies and songbirds were spiraling round his bike like in a Disney movie. – Chris
At Summersville we found the library and took care of some essential things quickly. Outside was a veterans memorial where there were more US flags than I have seen before in my life! They really do like their patriotism! The sign read “If you value your freedom, thank a vet” I could just imagine Callum thanking Poppy’s vet for his freedom next time he takes her for a service!
I found some wifi and the others left for the final leg of the day without me. It was just one road for 23 miles so I thought I would catch them up. Seems Mr. Cramp had other plans and this supposedly easy leg became a bit of a dehydrated nightmare. I got to the town we were headed for and radioed the others on our new Walmart walkie talkies…No reply. Looks like the advertised 18 mile range is a bit of a porky and works nearer to 18 yards!
I was tired hungry and thirsty and right in front of me was KFC all you can eat buffet next to ‘The Lazy Motel’ I was so very tempted but headed down the road to see if I could get in range of the others first. I picked up Callum on the radio and he directed me to the city park we were to camp in.
Yet again there were no showers around. Not looking forward to another dirty bedtime Cal went looking around the neighborhood looking for hosepipes. I got a call on the radio directing me to the local dentist surgery. I went over Speedo’s in one hand soap in the other. Turns out this dentistry was on a main road! Discretion really isn’t in Callums vocabulary! Apart from the policeman driving past it was a very refreshing wash and very well needed.
We then all went to Taco Bell/KFC for a nutritious meal before going to Walmart for some bananas then headed to bed.
Jul/090
Day 24 – Centerville, MO
Lots of rain. Stayed in a cafe overnight.
Jul/090
Day 22 – Carbondale
Dowds slashed his own tyre while fitting a speedo.
Jul/090
Day 21 – Goreville
Ferne Clyffe State Park Campground. Callum pissing Chicken Korma out of his arse. Perfect night’s sleep for me – birds stopped tweeting promptly at around 10:30pm etc.
Jul/090
Day 20 – Cave-in-rock, IL
Dog following Callum. I felt like shit and followed Dowds all day. Stayed at Cave-in-rock SP CG.
Jul/090
Day 19 – Sebree, KY
(No write-up was posted for this day.)